Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
