your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
