So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
