Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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(720): View more from Colorado

It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(214): View more from Texas

She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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(206): View more from Washington

someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that

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(864): View more from South Carolina

im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake

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