Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first