i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
