he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
