he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
