I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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