I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
