Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
