weddingsv make me drug and hornr
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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