Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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