He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
