I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
