i think my mom watched the whole time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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