And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
