Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
