Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
