i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
