Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I showed him my bush... on skype.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
