We named our party play list daddy issues
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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