Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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