I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
