he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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