I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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