He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
