I cockslap morals
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
