oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
