We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
