Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
