It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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