I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We had to coat check the pizza.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
