This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize