Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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