Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
