So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
