ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
