dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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