Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
