atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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