i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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