You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
