How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
