my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
