His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
