On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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