I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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