C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize