I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
