just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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