im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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