So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
