my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
handjob tips. give me some.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
