I wish I could teleport
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
