I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no you cant smoke seaweed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
