Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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