I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
