He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
