The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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