I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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