I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
