we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
