Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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