i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
