I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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