Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
