my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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